Mar. 14th, 2010 at 11:44 AM
Day Number 11 Following the Instructions in "Manifesting Your Soul Mate":
Happy Valentine’s Day Whoever You Are! (only a month late)
One of the items on the “To Do” list – as part of the “Imagine that what you want has already happened” approach to manifesting soul mates – was to buy him a Valentine’s Day card for Valentine’s Day last February, as though he were already here to hand the card to. This year was the first time I’ve perused Valentine’s Day cards, since (CONFESSION TIME!) I’ve always thought it was a stupid holiday. Not because I thought love itself was stupid, but because it seemed like such a pro-Corporate day. Why put money in the pockets of the executives of the Hallmark Corporation for the sole purpose of celebrating something and expressing something you should be celebrating and expressing every day? Oh, I know, I’m just such a condescending, party-pooping twit, aren’t I?
So, this past February I forced myself to swallow my holier-than-thou attitude (not as easy as it sounds on paper, believe me) and look at Valentine’s Day cards. Worse, the cost of a simple card had skyrocketed. It wasn’t that long ago they cost less than dollar each – but then, it had been a while since I bought one. I would find myself somewhat moved by a sentiment only to turn the card over, look at the price and gawp in surprise. Was my Soul Mate worth my spending anywhere from $3 to $4 to say something I should be saying every day? Or would he say, “Why did you waste all that money on this, you silly woman??”
I know, I know, depriving corporate America of their monstrous bonus checks is probably un-American. Oh well. Stick me in the encyclopedia under “Benedict Arnold”, then. I still saw no reason why I should buy some Hallmark executive and his dimwitted trophy wife with her oversized silicone rack dual memberships in their local country club for nothing more than handing me cheesy pre-printed poems that sounded like they were written by a “Team Edward” Twilight preteen in the hormone-fueled throes of her first passion for a bewildered Rob Pattinson. (Besides, I much preferred Peter Facinelli, who cracks me up with his entertaining tales of RV road trips with his wife and daughters.).
But I digress.
I finally decided that if my Soul Mate were touched by the gesture, it would be nice, but it would also be nice if he hinted that the money would have been better spent on something useful – like a yacht the two of us could use to sail off into the sunset, so to speak. Really. I would agree with him wholeheartedly, so either way I’d be alright with the reaction. Maybe we could eventually incorporate it into our wedding vows: “I promise not to waste our hard-earned money buying you redundant and unnecessary Valentine’s Day cards!” I’m sure people have written weirder wedding vows than that.
But I’d promised not to question any step in this process, so there I was, reading Valentine’s Day cards at the store and feeling rather self-conscious. Some of them were so incredibly sappy I just couldn’t consider them and hold on to my self respect and eroding sense of dignity … many were just too over-the-top, with their hearts and flowers and tweeting bluebirds of happiness. Some sounded like really bad lyrics to a cheesy pop song. Some were a little too irreverent. Others were downright crude. The process took a while. Finally, I was left with a couple of pitiful choices:
“I’m so glad I found you. You and I are connected in a way that goes beyond romance, beyond friendship, beyond what we’ve ever had before. We’re soul mates. I can’t explain it. I just feel it. Happy Valentine’s Day”.
Lord Byron it wasn’t, but for this touchy-feely sentiment, Hallmark executives wanted $3.99 in the USA and $5.49 in Canada. I could have purchased a Byron paperback book of love sonnets for not much more than that and been more emotionally satisfied.
But I did notice the much higher Canadian prices. Poor Canada! Every time you grumble about spending money on your “valentine”, keep in mind: at least you’re not Canadian! (Unless of course, you are Canadian, in which case … we’d send you a ‘Gee, so sorry you got screwed by Hallmark!’ sympathy card, except most of us can’t afford them.) Love is so much more expensive in Canada. Makes you want to apologize for and retract the South Park movie anthem, “Blame Canada”, doesn’t it? No wonder Canada produced the depraved Terrence and Philip in the South Park Universe: if it’s so much more expensive to express love via Hallmark cards in Canada, Terrence and Philip were probably deprived of love from an early age. No wonder they were so warped. Forget blaming Canada! BLAME HALLMARK!
So that was one choice. Another sad and long-winded possibility.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I just want you to know that. I can’t stop feeling thankful for your sweetness and your gentle ways. I can’t imagine not being with you today, and tomorrow and every tomorrow beyond that. I love you more than I can tell you. I want to spend my life trying to be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Summary: the last line was all they needed for this card; the rest of it was, “Blah blah blah”. He’d think I was a typical babbling woman who couldn’t stop mindlessly chattering if I handed him this. But for this verbally superfluous sentiment, they wanted a whopping $5.99 in the USA and $7.99 in Canada. Do they pay the writers of these cards by the word, or something?
Sorry, I digress again.
I’d forgotten all about buying the card - I’ll leave it up to your imagination to guess which one I eventually settled for. I’d probably blocked it from memory shortly after buying it - I hadn’t even written a personal note in it, the way I was supposed to. Something like, “Sorry I couldn’t find anything less girly than this, but here ‘ya go! I had to sell my heirloom jewelry to afford it, but …(<--- that was a lie. I don’t have any heirloom jewelry. I have a horrible skin allergy to metals, so anyone who would have thought of giving me any heirloom jewelry immediately thought better of it, primarily because they loved me and didn’t want me to break out in unsightly welts and swell up like a balloon. Love you, Mom! Nice way to start a relationship though, huh? Lie through my teeth about heirloom jewelry!) …” - until I was doing my Feng Shui room switching and ran across it in my move. As soon as I saw it, I decided that the perfect place to write the “wedding vow” was on this card!
So a Valentine with the vow, “I promise not to spend our future hard-earned money buying you redundant and unnecessary Valentine’s Day cards!” is now firmly glued to my “Treasure Map”.
Gee, I sure hope he has a sense of humor.
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