Friday, June 9, 2017

Toto, I Don’t Think We’re in Kansas Anymore



[Subtitle:  Or Maybe We Are; Kansas Has Nothing to Brag About]

More entries have been written, erased, revised, re-written and erased again in the course of the last 7 months than I may have made the effort to, in the last 7 years.  Reason:  As soon as I wrote one sentence, another appalling outrage made it obsolete.

Could have gone either way:  either something appalling actually did happen, or appalling headlines made it seem like it did.  Whatever, most Americans on social media were punched in the face and sent reeling on a daily, if not hourly, basis.  It’s a miracle most of us aren’t curled up in a fetal position, sucking our thumbs. 

Only reason we’re not (yet) are the news stories in print or airing everywhere (except Fox News and Breitbart) of the rather dramatic implosion of the current ... whatever you would term this mindboggling assortment of embarrassingly clueless idiots ... to the point where they’re calling it a death rattle.  You get the impression you’re about to witness the second presidential disaster of your lifetime ... Nixon being the first.  At the moment, Robert Mueller is installed as Special Counsel and former FBI Director James Comey just testified in the Senate, in a hearing that boasted of more listeners and viewers than the imaginary inauguration crowd we keep hearing about.

I’m not going to go on for pages about our current political situation ... I don’t think I could say anything that millions of people haven’t already said ... instead, I’ll whine about social media.

You may have noticed that I’m not overly fond of other women.  (You:  “Nooooooo!  REALLY??”)  Lots of reasons, long before now.  The last 7 months seems to have exacerbated the dislike.

I had finally settled on one Facebook page that has about 40,000 members in it ... let’s call it, “Griping About Politics”.  Not their real name.  I settled on one mainly because almost every FB page on the same topic has the same posts, the same memes, the same blather.  Some worse than others.  Some, run by ridiculous wannabe twinkie cheerleaders who have never once read, “The Art of War” and demand that you toe the “When they go low, we go HIGH!” line, to the point where you want to slap them all silly – repeatedly.

Then there are the liberal dimwits who truly believe that, for the sake of argument, if the current president finds himself tossed out of the office on his keester, that means that Clinton would automatically be installed since, you know, she won the popular vote.  No matter how many times you remind them of a line of succession laid out in a document they may have heard of (anyone remember we have a Constitution?) ... you can’t get it through their thick heads that such a scenario isn’t even remotely possible.  “But that’s not faaaiiir!” they wail ... there’s only so far I can roll my eyeballs.  Yeah?  Life isn’t always fair, buttercups – suck it up.

Next are the discussions about choices for 2020.  That’s even more disheartening.  I swear liberals never even heard of the concept of “strategy”; they just want the warm, familiar fuzzies of legacy names.  First they want Michelle Obama.  We shoot that down.  Next they want a Kennedy.  Any Kennedy:  Joseph, Caroline ... not because either of them are qualified (and I doubt they even think they’re qualified), but because they’re Kennedy’s.  Then they want Bernie Sanders – a Socialist.  Then they want Cory Booker, Tulsi Gabbard or Kamala Harris ... the list goes on and on, absurd choice after absurd choice.  No wonder Democrats keep losing.  Here’s my idea – you just lost the entire south because they’re all racist boneheads who hate women and anybody who isn’t white, rabidly regressive and depravedly theocratic.  So, let’s nominate anybody who makes a southerner’s hair curl – sure, that should clinch the White House in 2020.  And yet Liberals keep coming up with these absurd suggestions.  You want to knock  their heads together until their brains kick in.

Proof positive that there are so many awesomely stupid people on both sides of the political spectrum, you are left wondering how this country manages to function at all.  Or maybe it doesn’t, which is why we ended up where we are.

Unfortunately, the FB page I selected had their own issues:  women, two or three in particular.  Let’s call them Tinkerbelle (“Tink”), “Bossy” and Dolores (“Dot”) Umbridge II.

Tink, Bossy and Dot decided that their main purpose in life was to post every single post they could find anywhere on the entire internet, on the “Griping” FB page, without bothering to check if (a) it was already there, (b) if it was relevant, or (c) if it was fake news or legitimate news – they didn’t care, they just uploaded everything they could find.

You’d sit there and watch post after post after post from Tink, Bossy and Dot get uploaded, literally one per second, to the point they drove you freaking nuts.  No matter what time of day ... I watched them go berserk with these posts at 3 in the morning when I was up getting a drink of water.  4 in the afternoon.  8 in the morning.  Noon.  Midnight.  I swear, that’s all they did.  God forbid you mention any of the above objections:  already been posted, fake news site, off topic, irrelevant, whatever ... and these drooling bobble-heads would go screaming menopausal-psychotic on you.

Other gripes:  Type “Yes” if you agree.  New Rule:  I will type “No”, and “Fuck You” whether I agree with it or not, I’m so sick of that. 

Another woman posted her idea of what was REALLY important:  “5/25/2017 5:55:50 AM:  Biggest mistake of the day - watching the Dirty Dancing remake instead of the Survivor finale.”

Women.  That’s why we’re in the hell we are now in.  Are you a woman and object?  Suck it up and admit you and your gender are idiots.

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