Did You Just Sneeze?

Ask your doctor about our new medication, "Kill-a-Cold!"

(Side effects include:  projectile vomiting, dizziness so extreme you'll fall down and break all of your bones, bizarre sexual fantasies involving toasters, heart palpitations, possible strokes, violent urges to murder your entire family and possibly your neighbors, suicidal tendencies, horrible infections, constipation requiring feces to be extracted from your ass with dental picks, loss of bladder control, bloody urine, genital yeast infections, uncontrollable discharges of intestinal gas, loss of hair resulting in total baldness, skin rashes, boils and pus-filled oozing acne ...)”

Moral of the story:  there is a reason why we’re one of only 3 countries who allow medical commercials to air on TV – they’re NAUSEATINGLY DISGUSTING!  Yet another nightmare we could get rid of, if only we’d overthrow Citizens v. United:  No, pharmaceutical companies should never have “Freedom of Speech” to fill our eyes and ears with any disgusting image they want to.

So I decided to listen to a few hours of “Supernatural” re-runs on TNT instead.  An effort to spare myself the hellish barrage of MSNBC commercials.  No sooner had I walked away for a sec to make lunch, I hear the gawd-awful Wrigley’s Extra commercial before I could mute it and started screaming, “STFU, you evil bitch!!” from the kitchen  Then the evil “Save the Elephants” commercial, and switched to, “STFU, Sarandon, you decrepit hag!”  Then the hellish Uncle Ben’s commercial.  (More screaming).  Same crap that generated my rant earlier, different channel.  5 solid minutes of The Soundtrack From Hell before I could get back to the study to mute the horror.  Every single commercial break, the same horror.  It never - ever – ever - ends.  There has to be some level of Hell reserved especially for ad agencies and media buyers.  There just has to be.

Why I Stopped Posting in Liberal Facebook Groups

The main reason?  They are so disheartening and sad.  Whoever said people with lower IQ’s veered off in a deeply entrenched conservative mindset (which is probably true – they are pretty stupid) obviously never read the fools on the liberal side.

I have.

Listen, there are plenty of things to be pissed at Republicans for, right now – and if you can’t figure out what those are, you’ve been watching WAY too much Fox “Entertainment” for your own good.  No one’s asking you to deep dive into CNN or MSNBC or jack off watching the latest pathetic bleach-bottled two-bit brainless whore (they’re all interchangeable) spouting their fear of anyone but themselves or whatever your current gripe is, but hell, just watch global news, national news, local news, until it hits you that Fox is all by itself out in “Propaganda Right Field”.  (And then ask yourself why that might be).  Answer:  because 99.9% of their stories are blatant and laughable b.s. (which is why they can’t call themselves “News” – they’re not – they’re legally called “Entertainment”) and everyone but you seems to know it.

That’s not even the issue.  I even liked a few aspects of the old Republican party, platform before they lost their minds – fiscal conservatism, for example, and keeping the national debt under control.  They lost me the minute they hooked up with the religious right.  I mean, let’s face it, the behavior of evangelicals NOW is mind-boggling.  The issue, Conservatives, is that Liberals can be equally as stupid as you are, and for many of the same reasons.  Both sides seem spectacularly lacking in a simple skill that used to be known as “applying logic”.

Many liberals, for example, seem to think that if they take back control of Congress in 2018, they can just toss all the Republicans out on their ears.  Really?  And how do you propose to accomplish that?  A whole mess of libs crazily decided that Joe Kennedy III should be the next President even though (a) he isn’t running, (b) he has no platform BECAUSE he isn’t running, and (c) they’re waxing nostalgic over the Kennedy Family (JFK and RFK in particular) even though no one else is.  Hey, there’s a good reason for you.

These are the same libs who basically went gaga over Oprah, although if you replace “waxing nostalgic ...” with (c) gee, they really liked her on TV!, despite her having an utter lack of knowledge, experience and political know-how.  They still thought she should run for President.  I ended up clutching my head and screaming.  Same liberals who swooned over Michelle Obama’s non-candidacy – she definitely isn’t running, but they all wanted to vote for her anyway.  None of them stopped and gave it any thought – they were just willing to push levers over totally irresponsible choices.  How do these people have the intelligence to pick a legitimate president???  They don’t.  And neither do the Republican voters.  We are so doomed.

The final straw was a ridiculous video (unsourced and undated).  Basic premise:  some girl went around asking kids a few basic questions, among them:  who won the Civil War, who was the Vice President, and what show was Snookie on?  The only answer they all got right was the Snookie question – they had no clue about the other two. 

Well!  Liberals went on and on and on ad nauseum about the stupidity of the American people and how all of those kids had to be future Republicans!!!  Really? Not one of them asked, “Hey, how many people answered the questions correctly?”  For all we know, 500 people knew all the answers except the Snookie one, and only the five who showed up on the video were the idiots!  No date, no source – they all just bought into the entire premise, hook, line and sinker, and pontificated condescendingly for days without applying even a second of logic.

I told them that they were twice as stupid as the kids on the video and why, and naturally a gaggle of hysterical women got all offended at being insulted.  After telling them all to go to hell, I signed off.  So much for liberals – liberal women in particular - being intelligent.

Utterly sick of that, I ended up on something else:  listening to “Destination America”:  Season 1, Episode 5, “When Ghosts Attack:  “Ghost Stalker”, and I end up howling with laughter.  Premise:  Some idiot kid is speaking with a ghost (supposedly).  He tells his parents about the conversation, they immediately disbelieve him and then lecture him on their god’s opinion on lying.

He argues, “But God is a woman”.  They back up from their own child, horror on their faces.  GOD IS A WOMAN?  He must have been taken over by a demon!”.  I fall over laughing.  They HAVE to be Southern Baptists, because only a Southern Baptist would assume the male is so superior that only that gender could be godlike ... which is either pretty sad or pretty funny, and probably both.  (See previous comment on evangelicals).

Back to the same complaint.  Same commercials, same insanity, if you include me screaming, “I don’t give a fuck if you have Type 2 diabetes, you fat cow!” over and over again.

But back to the ghosts.  I don’t know how you feel, but my attitude is pretty straight-forward:  I’ve never encountered anything “supernatural” or “ghostly”.  Does that mean such things don’t exist, just because I’ve never witnessed it?  Of course not; I’m not that self-centered and arrogant – “ONLY MY PERCEPTION MATTERS!!!”.  It just means I’ve never encountered one ... period.  But I do put some credence in the basic (although disputed) scientific evidence (via quantum physics) that suggests matter follows the expectations of the viewer.

Most of the “Paranormal Investigation” shows make me laugh anyway.  For people who are in their third, fourth, fifth or sixth seasons of doing it, they sure are easily spooked by weird noises.  Hell, I have never done a paranormal investigation, and I’d be less spooked than they are.

But it does make you wonder why there are so many programs covering the concept of ghosts, demons and the like.  Because they’re actually out there?.  Or because Americans need to let go of their idiocy when it comes to ghosts, demons, and the like?

Another question”  how did I escape joining the Manson family?  Besides being on the wrong coast, I mean.  None of the sycophants joined “The Family” with the expectation of murdering people, did they?  They ended up that way, sure ... but did they start out that way?